RESOURCES

UNIVERSE OF OBLIGATION

Screen Shot 2020-04-29 at 4.06.11 PM.png

Sociologist Helen Fein coined this phrase to describe the group of individuals within a society “toward whom obligations are owed, to whom rules apply, and whose injuries call for amends.”

What does it mean to be a member of a group? In groups we meet our most basic needs; in groups we learn a language and a culture or way of life. In groups we also satisfy our yearning to belong, receive comfort in times of trouble, and find companions who share our dreams, values, and beliefs. Groups also provide security and protection from those who might wish to do us harm. Therefore, how a group defines its membership matters. Belonging can have significant advantages; being excluded can leave a person vulnerable.

For our Paying it Forward session on May 13, use this worksheet from Facing History and Ourselves to consider your own circles of obligation:

MEET OUR GUESTS

On May 13, 2020, we’re thrilled to welcome (virtually!) three special guests for Paying it Forward, our next session of A Year of Courageous Conversations, moderated by Jessica Green:

Marguerite H. Griffin is a Senior Vice President at Northern Trust. As Director of Philanthropic Advisory Services, Marguerite is responsible for the delivery and growth of Northern Trust's philanthropic advisory services to Wealth Management clients. She specializes in administering charitable trusts and private foundations and facilitating family philanthropy retreats. She also advises clients regarding impact investing, strategic philanthropy, international philanthropy, family succession planning and board development, governance and risk management for nonprofit organizations. Marguerite received a B.A. degree from Washington University in St. Louis and a J.D. degree from Northwestern University School of Law and is a member of the American Bar Association, the Chicago Bar Association, the Chicago Council on Planned Giving and the Chicago Estate Planning Council. Marguerite is admitted to practice before the Illinois Supreme Court.

Jessica Droste Yagan is the CEO of Impact Engine, an impact investing firm that manages venture capital and private equity funds. Jessica also serves as Managing Partner of Impact Engine Ventures. She is extensively engaged personally in impact investing and evangelizing on behalf of the impact investing field. Prior to Impact Engine, Jessica led the creation of McDonald’s Corporation’s global and U.S. sustainable sourcing strategies and worked in the field of urban economic development at the Initiative for a Competitive Inner City. She is currently on the boards of Metropolitan Planning Council, OneGoal Chicago, The Honeycomb Project, the Rustandy Center for Social Sector Innovation at Chicago Booth, and Fixer. Crain’s Chicago Business named her to its list of 40-Under-40 in 2013 and she served as a 2014 Leadership Greater Chicago Fellow. Jessica holds a BA from Haverford College, an MBA from Stanford University, and an MPA from Harvard University. She lives in Chicago with her husband Sam and three children.

Sam Yagan is CEO of ShopRunner, and the former Vice-Chairman of Match Group (Nasdaq: MTCH), a position he assumed after serving as the company’s Chief Executive Officer and leading it through a period of explosive growth that culminated in its IPO. He has co-founded several companies, including SparkNotes, eDonkey, OkCupid, Techstars Chicago, and, Firestarter Fund, & Corazon Capital. An Illinois native, and the son of Syrian immigrants, Sam was instilled with an entrepreneur trait at a young age, and has been named to TIME Magazine’s “100 Most Influential People in the World,” Fortune Magazine’s “40 Under 40,” Crain’s Chicago “40 Under 40”, Billboard Magazine’s “30 Under 30,” Crain’s “Tech 25,” D Magazine’s “Dallas 500” and ranked #19 on Silicon Alley Insider’s “Most Inspiring and Influential People.” Yagan holds a BA with honors in Applied Mathematics and Economics from Harvard University and an MBA from Stanford University. He is married to his high school sweetheart, Jessica Droste Yagan and lives in Chicago with their three children.


,

WE BELONG TO EACH OTHER

,
CC_Hugs.001.jpg

“We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny."

-Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

How can we practice social connection in a time of physical distancing?

For the last year, we've been exploring how to foster greater inclusion & belonging in our community through A Year of Courageous Conversations. In keeping with current CDC guidelines to stop the spread of the coronavirus (COVID-19), below are some links & resources from our blog to stay connected while we're physically apart.

Are you registered for our next session?
We're still on! From our homes.
Instructions to follow...

Until then, please stay safe & take care of one another.

Zina, Jess, Claire & Sam
A Year of Courageous Conversations
CourageousConversations.us

Stay Connected

TIPS TO STAY TOGETHER WHILE APART:

  • Practice curiosity: Ask others, what are your concerns & what are your joys?

  • Schedule phone or video dates! (Make good use of the great conversation guides below)

  • Send thank you notes, love letters, compliments & gratitudes

  • Check-in with elders & those separated from their families

  • Invite cross-generational discussions of an article, book, podcast or video together

  • Double-check information you share. Is it accurate? Helpful? Inclusive?

  • Stand up to any bias you may encounter. (Revisit the Confronting Prejudice tips below)

  • Support caregivers, service organizations, small businesses & the most vulnerable

  • Contribute anonymously to a neighbor or stranger who may be in need

  • Practice compassion: Spread love, beauty, humor & hope

THANKS TO OUR PARTNERS

A Year of Courageous Conversations is exploring how to foster greater inclusion & belonging in our community. Presented by Urban Consulate in partnership with Barrington’s White House, BStrong Together and Barrington Area Library, the series is made possible thanks to generous support from Jessica & Dominic Green, Kim Duchossois, Sue & Rich Padula, Barrington Area Community Foundation and BMO Wealth Management. 

ROBIN DIANGELO RESOURCES

Photo: Linda M. Barrett

Photo: Linda M. Barrett

We were honored to host Dr. Robin DiAngelo in Barrington on January 8, and the responses have been beautiful and inspiring — thank you! We’ll publish a recap here very soon.

In the meantime, Dr. DiAngelo referenced a few resources we wanted to share here:

In 2020, she is hosting both Half-Day Workshops and 3-Day Immersives for White People across North America — including a workshop in Chicago on September 12, 2020. Interested? Read more & register here.

UNPACKING THE INVISIBLE KNAPSACK

Peggy-McIntosh.jpg

As a progressive professor at Wellesley College in the 1980s, Peggy McIntosh didn’t believe she benefitted from unearned white privilege until one night she started making a list. “I flicked on the light and I wrote it down. In the next three months, 46 examples came to me.”

That list became the groundbreaking article “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack” and the foundation for The National SEED Project (Seeking Educational Equity and Diversity), the organization she founded in 1987. Since then, SEED has trained thousands of teachers, impacting millions of students. Thank you, Peggy.

RACIAL EQUITY RESOURCES

DC-Government-Pursues-Action-to-Advance-Racial-Equity-.jpg

We’ve heard interest from many in going deeper on racial equity work this year, so we wanted to share some upcoming opportunities in the Chicagoland area & a starting list of resources:

2020 PROGRAMS & EVENTS

Dr. DiAngelo is also touring nationally in 2020 with two program formats: Half-Day Workshops and 3-Day Immersives for White People. For upcoming dates, check her website here.

Do you have a program or resource you have found helpful?

Please let us know and we’ll add to this list.

(Note: Program dates may be subject to change; check with each host/organizer.)

ADVANCE READING

In January, we are honored to welcome New York Times Bestselling author Dr. Robin DiAngelo from Seattle to Barrington. Dr. DiAngelo is a popular national lecturer and video subject on anti-racism and privilege.

“I grew up poor and white. While my class oppression has been relatively visible to me, my race privilege has not,” DiAngelo wrote in 2006. “In my efforts to uncover how race has shaped my life, I have gained deeper insight by placing race in the center of my analysis.”

In advance of her visit to Barrington, we invite you to read her book, White Fragility, with two opportunities to explore together:

A YEAR OF COURAGEOUS CONVERSATIONS

On Wednesday, January 8, 7pm at Barrington’s White House, Dr. DiAngelo will lead our session about the way race shapes our lives and provide a framework for white racial literacy.

  • Tickets: $25

  • Please sign up for the waitlist here

LIT READS

On Monday, January 13, 7pm at Ciao Baby restaurant in downtown Barrington, librarians Liz & Sam from Barrington Area Library will be discussing the book as part of their LIT Reads social book club. In December, copies of the book will be available at the Library’s Adult Services reference desk. Ask about downloadable e-books & audiobooks, too.

p.s. Have you already read the book? We’d love to hear how insights and reflections from the book have shown up in your life since. Look forward to discussing together!

FELLOW NOTES

2019-10-30++all.jpg

Have you met our courageous Fellows? In addition to attending the ten sessions of A Year of Courageous Conversations, they’re also gathering for deeper learning, reading & dialogue in-between. At our last gathering at Barrington Area Library, we asked them to share their “why’s” for leaning in to this series:

"I have so much to learn, and conversations can be one of the best learning tools.” -Julie Kanak

“To open my eyes & heart, so that I can receive the gifts others have to offer—some I may like, and some not." -Maria Peterson

"An opportunity to engage in thought-provoking, authentic conversations with the community, and to grow as a person." -Jason Altmann

"So curious!!" -Jeanne Hanson

Be sure to read beautiful blog posts by Fellows Lynée Alves and Stephanie Gates reflecting on their journeys thus far, as well as the recaps of each session written by Fellow Tamara Tabel.

MEET OUR GUESTS

For our next session, The Art of Listening on December 11th at Barrington’s White House, we welcome two guest experts, Dr. Nancy Burgoyne and Dr. Jacob Goldsmith, of The Family Institute at Northwestern University.

Nancy Burgoyne, Ph.D.

Nancy Burgoyne, Ph.D.

Jacob Goldsmith, Ph.D.

Jacob Goldsmith, Ph.D.

Nancy Burgoyne, Ph.D. is the chief clinical officer and vice president of Clinical Services at The Family Institute at Northwestern University. Dr. Burgoyne is a licensed clinical psychologist and a marriage and family therapist. Dr. Burgoyne is part of the teaching faculty in the Marriage and Family Therapy program in the Center for Applied Psychological and Family Studies, and is a clinical lecturer in the Department of Psychology at Northwestern University. Her clinical interests include: life stage transitions, personal/existential/identity exploration and cultural transition. Dr. Burgoyne has been a behavioral health professional for over 25 years, is an LGB/TQ+ ally and is committed to approaching her work with cultural humility. Read more about her work here.

Jacob Goldsmith, Ph.D. is the clinical director of the Psychotherapy Change Project at The Family Institute at Northwestern University. A licensed clinical psychologist, Dr. Goldsmith leads a team that creates and studies tools for integrating empirical information into therapy practice. He has a passion for work with emerging adults on identity development, and has been privileged to speak and consult nationally and internationally, including a TEDxRush talk called “Embracing Pluralism: The Future of Relationships.”

SUGGESTED LISTENING

 
 

Our team really loves this episode — recommend! Feels especially relevant after Jessica shared her story this week about reconciling her personal relationships by leaning into curiosity after the 2016 election. For Claire, Derek’s insight on needing both the “carrot & stick” to inspire his own introspection and transformation resonated deeply.

What do you think? Any lessons here for approaching your own relationships leading into the next election cycle? Do you have any success stories of your own for befriending radical disagreement? We’d love to hear.

CURIOSITY OVER BIAS

IMG_2227.jpg

Thank you to Dr. Arin Reeves for leading a thought-provoking session this week on Cultivating Curiosity and disrupting our biases, assumptions and judgments. Here are some great questions Dr. Reeves suggested for the next time you approach a courageous conversation with curiosity:

What is your purpose for the conversation?

  • What do you hope to accomplish? What would be an ideal outcome?

  • TIP: Watch for hidden purposes. You may think you have honorable goals, only to notice that your language is excessively critical or condescending. You think you want to support, but you end up punishing. Some purposes are more useful than others. Work on yourself so that you enter the conversation with a supportive purpose.

What assumptions are you making about this person’s intentions?

  • TIP: You may feel intimidated, belittled, ignored, disrespected, or marginalized — but be cautious about assuming that this was the speaker’s intention. Impact does not necessarily equal intent.

What “buttons” of yours are being pushed?

  • Are you more emotional than the situation warrants?

  • TIP: Take a look at your “backstory,” as they say in the movies. What personal history is being triggered? You may still have the conversation, but you’ll go into it knowing that some of the heightened emotional state has to do with you.

How is your attitude toward the conversation influencing your perception of it?

  • TIP: If you think this is going to be horribly difficult, it probably will be. If you truly believe that whatever happens, some good will come of it, that will likely be the case. Try to adjust your attitude for maximum effectiveness.

Who is the opponent?

  • What might they be thinking about this situation? Are they aware of the problem?

  • If so, how do you think they perceive it? What are their needs and fears?

  • What solution do you think they would suggest?

  • TIP: Begin to reframe the opponent as partner.

What are your needs and fears?

  • Are there any common concerns? Could there be?

  • How have you contributed to the problem? How has the other person?

If you have luck using any of these tips, we’d love to know! Share your success story via email or with our team at our next gathering.

MEET OUR GUEST

Krista-Robinson-Lyles.jpeg

We were delighted to welcome to Barrington Krista Robinson-Lyles, Ph.D to lead Practicing Mindfulness, the second session of A Year of Courageous Conversations.

Dr. Robinson-Lyles carries over 26 years of experience providing consulting, research, facilitation, teaching and coaching services to academic and corporate clients. Her expertise is diverse in range, including developing strong curricular programs for elementary, secondary and university students and faculty, as well as establishing effective strategies for the manifestation of equity and wellness in academic and corporate environments.

In the expanse of her career she has served as a classroom teacher, building administrator and university instructor, in addition to coaching and consulting in the areas of literacy, equity and mindfulness. She has coached more than 100 professionals, delivered various presentations, facilitated numerous workshops and conducted and published action research. She is committed to creating positive, healthy and sustainable learning and working cultures.

Krista works with Arin N. Reeves, Ph.D of Nextions, a Chicago-based research and advisory firm that offers a new way of seeing and doing leadership and inclusion.

FELLOW NOTES

i-g5nFggb-L.jpg

Thank you to our Fellow cohort for gathering for the first time on Wednesday, September 25 at Barrington’s White House! Stay tuned for a formal announcement of this beautiful group. In the meantime, series co-curator Jessica Green offers 3 follow-ups inspired by group conversation:

Adventurous Civility

“What does civility actually mean, and is it enough?”

Podcast Episode: Krista Tippett, On Being (17:02)

Vulnerability Hangover

“A vulnerability hangover is a gut-wrenching feeling that happens the moment we decide to get real about who we are, what we want, and how we express it.” -Brené Brown

TED Talk: The Power of Vulnerability (20:04)

Journaling Question

How does fear manifest itself physically, emotionally & intellectually for you?

And how have you demonstrated courage when this happens?

See you Wednesday, October 9, 2019, 7pm at Barrington’s White House!

Session No. 2: Practicing Mindfulness

— Jess

MEET OUR GUEST

Arin-Reeves-ANR-Bio-Picture-Hi-Res-281.jpg

Arin N. Reeves, Ph.D. will be guiding our first three Fall 2019 sessions of A Year of Courageous Conversations ⁠— Defining Courage, Practicing Mindfulness, and Cultivating Curiosity.

Dr. Reeves is a leading researcher, author and advisor in the fields of leadership and inclusion. For over twenty years, she has delivered dynamic and thought-provoking messages to inspire and activate change for audiences across the world. Blending her diverse backgrounds as a lawyer, a researcher, an academic, an author, and a consultant to organizations ranging from Fortune 500 companies to hospitals and governments, she speaks on many forms of difference, including Racial & Ethnic, Gender, Generational, Religious, Sexual Orientation, Identity & Expression, Physical Abilities, Cognitive Style, and Cultural Differences.

Dr. Reeves is President of the research & advisory firm, Nextions, and bestselling author of three books ⁠—The Next IQ, One Size Never Fits All⁠, and Smarter Than a Lie.

Subscribe to our email list to receive takeaways in your inbox after each session.

YOUR QUESTIONS

When Krista Tippett came to Barrington on May 23rd to share her wisdom and launch A Year of Courageous Conversations, we asked the audience for questions. Dr. Zina Jacque had time for just a few, so we wanted to share more here:

On Speaking with our Families & Neighbors:

  • “In a time of so much strife in our world—conflicts around our President, gun violence in schools, abortion and on and on—how do we discuss the most controversial issues with our extremely divided neighbors and family? What is your biggest tip for speaking to people you love who are polar opposite to your view?”

  • “You've spoken about hospitality as a tool of transformation—but how do you overcome barriers to two-way hospitality when you offer hospitality to others but are met with hostility, lack of interest, or unwillingness to engage?”

  • “How much of our collective work to do is actually inner work done one person at a time? What is a growing edge for your spirituality?”

  • “Why do you think we should use the word "mercy" more often?”

  • “How can dialogue go very far when participants don't share the same facts?”

  • “How do we communicate intergenerationally and listen in a way that leans on understanding of experiences?”

  • “Would you speak about how to formulate and shape generous questions? Seems like something that has to be learned and not an innate ability.”

  • “What's your favorite courageous question that could be used universally?”

On Our Divisive Politics:

  • “What does it say about us as a society that we continue to elect polarizing leaders and representatives who are incapable of civil discourse?”

  • “We stand at a turning point, similar to 1865 or 1968, where things can turn quickly either towards good or bad. What can we do as individuals to turn the tide and save our democracy?”

  • “What needs to happen for the U.S. to become less polarized with a Congress that works together instead of so divided? A tragedy? A war? Can a statesman (Lincoln-esque) make it happen?”

  • “Pretty obvious there are two females to every male here tonight. Does this speak to the problem of civility and interest in community?”

On Inequality, Bias & Discrimination:

  • “It has been said that to create a tolerant society, we must be intolerant of intolerance. How can one stand against and not tolerate the intolerance of various "ism's" (racism, sexism, etc.) and still have productive conversations?”

  • “Does the practice of "taking winning off the table" for better conversations apply for conversations about "winning" equality in an unequal world?”

  • “As a school teacher, I hear my colleagues talking about "good" kids and "bad" kids, blaming students for their own ADHD and complaining about making accommodations for students with health needs. How do we create empathy and understanding within our most important institutions when the people who run them are blind to their own thinking and the realities of their students? When we think about the intersectionality of this, how do we also educate our educators on how this issue is heaped on top of issues of racism for our students of color?”

All fantastic questions — thank you, friends! Our team will be returning to these throughout the series to make sure we are addressing in our sessions. To learn more, click here.

(Photo Credit: Linda Barrett)