By Lynée Alves, Fellow
“I realize that we probably do need to wade in… get comfortable with the water… and then wade in a little deeper each time. And see what happens. And learn from it.”
-Lynée Alves
As I write this post, following three public sessions and two Fellows gatherings since the kick-off of A Year of Courageous Conversations in September, I feel like we are starting to build momentum as a group and as an experience.
I have to admit, I had a lot of feelings about participating in this year-long project. Excitement. Optimism. Curiosity. Hope. A desire to be a part of something that requires dedication, collaboration and most of all, trust.
But I didn’t entirely know what to expect. I knew what was planned, but I really had no idea how it might unfold. Would I like it? Would I feel like I belonged? Would I contribute in a meaningful way?
This project asks us to think and speak about some messy and complicated thoughts and ideas. And our hope is that we will come out the other side wiser and better equipped to navigate the complexities in our relationships and in our world.
We have been reminded during our first few sessions that we are on a JOURNEY. A journey that has an arc… a beginning, a middle and an end. So these first sessions were intentionally designed to create a foundation for us all.
To be honest, there was a part of me wanting more right out of the gate. I applied to become a Fellow because I believe so passionately that many of us can benefit from exploring our differences through civilized and respectful conversations. And I wanted to GET INTO IT.
The first few sessions felt a little “light.” I was looking for “weighty.” But I now realize that we needed these foundational sessions to help us all get more comfortable with new shared language and new ideas.
We needed this time to better understand what this experience can offer each one of us… whether as a community member attending one event or a Fellow attending every session plus additional meetings in between. We needed to start building trust and speaking about things that might make us (or others) uncomfortable or sad or confused.
Things definitely got weightier this week. And instead of giving me all the answers, I had more questions about how we can possibly accomplish what I envisioned and hoped for at the start.
During this week’s public session, one of the founding partners of this project shared a very personal story around a lightning rod event, and the subsequent courageous conversations she and her family have explored and worked through together as a result of this event. This experience provided her with some of the motivation to help create this community experience that provides an avenue for more exploration with a larger and more diverse audience.
We also did an exercise that had me considering the very real challenges of having the courageous conversations we aspire to having. I realized that this goal requires real dedication, time and effort. And I realized that one reason these conversations are hard to have is because many of us are not practiced in having them. And to get good at anything, you need to practice. Which requires time. So this will take time. And that’s OK.
But it is making me think differently now about wanting to dig in quickly. I realize that we probably do need to wade in… get comfortable with the water… and then wade in a little deeper each time. And see what happens. And learn from it.
At the very end of our session, one of our Fellows shared some personal (and heartbreaking) realities that she and her sons face as African Americans. The heavy weight of her very real worries for her sons brought tears to my eyes. I heard how this woman cannot have as much optimism and hope for her son as I can have for mine. And that made me incredibly sad. And I feel like it is so unfair. And while what she said saddened me to hear, I am grateful to her for opening the eyes and minds of others to her different life experiences.
I am truly honored to be participating in these conversations with a few people I know, many people I don’t know, and those who I am beginning to know. It feels important and meaningful to me. It feels like something that we all need to be doing… in our personal lives, in our work lives, and in our community lives.
So even though I don’t know exactly where this will all end up next June, I know I will grow as a person. I will forge new relationships. I will do my best to contribute in a meaningful way. I will learn from others who share their stories. And I will be the wiser for it all.
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Lynée Alves is a Fellow of A Year of Courageous Conversations to explore how to foster greater inclusion and belonging in our communities. The series is presented by Urban Consulate at Barrington’s White House in Barrington, Illinois. To read more, visit CourageousConversations.us.
(Photo Credits: Christina Noël and Linda M. Barrett)