G U I D E L I N E S

FOR COURAGEOUS CONVERSATIONS

When one person is talking, others should be listening.

Avoid interrupting or talking over one another to honor and respect each voice.

What’s said here, stays here. What’s learned here, leaves here.

This should be a place where people can share personal stories and not worry about that being discussed outside of the room. 

Step up, step back

If you’re someone who tends to talk a lot, challenge yourself to let others talk first. If you’re someone who tends to hold back, challenge yourself to contribute a little more. Be aware of how much space you are taking.

Use “I” statements 

Everyone is entitled to their feelings, as long as they are sharing from their own personal experience. Avoid speaking on behalf of others or making broad assumptions or generalizations about groups of people.

We are all learning 

If you know a lot about a subject, try to remember that there was a time when you were just learning, too. Be patient with people who are beginning. Assume people are speaking with the best intentions.

Care for each other

This is hard work, and it’s easy to take our stress out on one another. Be gentle and kind with each other.

I N T E N T I O N S

Stay Curious

“The greatest threat to civility — and ultimately to civilization — is an excess of certitude,” says columnist George Will. “It has been well said that the spirit of liberty is not being too sure you are right.” 

Get Proximate

“Get close to people and communities who are at risk — and stay close,” says Bryan Stevenson of Equal Justice Initiative. From far away, we can’t create meaningful solutions or hear the perspectives of people with whom we wish to collaborate.

Get Uncomfortable

Change doesn’t come from staying comfortable — but we’re designed to seek out comfort. Look within ourselves and our society, and how we treat those who most need our help. “In brokenness we understand what it means to be human,” says Stevenson.

Stay Hopeful

“Hopelessness is the enemy of justice,” says Stevenson. We each have a responsibility to protect our own hopefulness — and to believe things are possible that we haven’t yet seen. “Hope is what gets you to stand up when other people say sit down.”

M I N D F U L N E S S

Be Present

Turn off your phone and other media devices. Say “no” to thoughts that have nothing to do with the conversation you are having.

Be Other-Focused

Immerse yourself in every word that is spoken. Listen to the tone of the other person’s voice. Listen using your eyes. 

Suspend Judgment

Attempt to truly understand what the other person is saying without judgment, criticism or defensiveness. Different from a debate or competition, the goal should be understanding and truth-seeking.

Respond vs. React

Listen. Take a breath. Respond. Pay attention to what feelings arise.

Take Breaks

This is both head and body work. If you feel tense, step out for water, fresh air or a stretch.